Ok so it turns out the painful lump at the back of my throat is tonsillitis. This is the first time I’ve ever suffered from this and I can attest that it is in fact, rather painful. Past few nights I’ve woken in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and feeling like I’ve half swallowed a small, jagged rock.
I went to the doctors to confirm it and the first thing he said was ‘So this is a follow up from last time?’ Before I’d even said anything he was referencing the last time I’d visited my GP surgery about depression and I guess I appreciate that, but it still brings me back to a point I passed over in my last post.
Suffering from depression can affect people in a variety of ways and one of the biggest problems I believe, is the way we view it. I think if you are suffering or you are worried then you should absolutely talk to someone about it. My problem has always been I end up talking to myself, going around and around in my own head, which always takes the more negative approach and assumptions.
Now I have opened up though I do feel this label on me and almost an obligation to act a certain way. Once people know you are suffering they aren’t sure how to act around you and you aren’t sure how to act around them. I feel sometimes that because there are not really any physical symptoms, it’s about how you present yourself and people expect you to present yourself a certain way.
The worry I suppose, is will I actively stop myself from getting better, purely because of this label I’ve now taken and the expectation that I think comes with it? I could be way off and if I was talking to someone about this who had these views, I’d probably say that they should act and behave however they like, I’ll be here no matter what and just be happy if I feel they appear to be improving.
Mental health is such a tricky subject and I probably need to find some more information if I can.
In the meantime I’m going to try and keep drinking fluids to quiet the fire in my throat.