So this is my attempt at a blog. I’m going to see how long I can keep it up and entries will probably be filled with a lot of random things. I imagine there will be posts that are just long ranting diatribes about various things and people in my life. There might be mention of events or commentary. I might post poetry or short stories perhaps reviews.
I suppose I’m beginning this primarily as a place to vent. To scream when I can’t. At the moment I find I can’t because I’ve got a very painful lump in the back of my throat which escalated from a slight tickle at the start of the week. Hopefully it goes away by tomorrow morning.
I’m also currently suffering from depression. Now I’m not 100% how long this has been going on. I’ve always been, at least as far as I can remember, quite a pessimistic person. A couple of weeks ago things came to a head and I finally decided to seek some help. There wasn’t any big event or confrontation with anyone but the stress of work got too much for me and I could feel myself on the edge of snapping.
I’ve thought about seeking some kind of counselling for awhile now. When things get hard or mind goes to darker realms than usual I toyed with the idea of talking to someone in a more professional sense. I’d always wake up the next morning though and things wouldn’t seem so bad and I put it off. So I went to see the doctor and described some of things that have been going through my head and she listened very well, signed me off work for a week and gave me the number of an organisation to call. I had an initial assessment call with them this week, saying things out loud that I have never said to anyone before. In a way it felt good but on the other hand I feel like the floodgates have opened and I’m now feeling the weight of this label, ‘suffering from depression’.
I’m going to leave it there for now. I see this primarily being a blog of short quick fire entries though there maybe longer ones in the future.